Of cowboys and angels

My Crazy Life

2006-08-29T20:22:00.000-03:00

Well it has been quite a while since I last updated, the reason being I have been so very busy and so much has been going on!

For starters, I was offered a spot as a grad student in the same lab where I did my honors. My plans of taking a year off were tossed to the side in light of this incredible opportunity. Because the lab is so small they can only have one grad student at a time, the current student is finishing up earlier than expected so I'll be taking her place. I'm also in the middle of writing a paper that will *hopefully* be published, woohoo! I'll be starting the program in January, so I'll still have some time off this fall to relax, then it will be back at playing with the rats all day long.

I had been thinking of moving out for some time but was having no luck finding a roommate. Then, just 4 days ago a friend of mine who had done his honors in the same lab as I did had his roommates bail out on him and was in a panic to find a place by September. Our proff suggested we might get along well... fast forward 4 days later, I'm just getting back from looking at the most BEAUTIFUL apartment. I'll be calling the landlord tomorrow morning and telling him we want it.

So much seems to be going well right now, I am very much looking forward to the next few months.

Sick of Hearing About Her

2006-07-12T13:23:00.000-03:00

Am I the only one who thinks Star Jones looked better when she was fat? I don't know if she had plastic surgery or something, but she used to be so pretty, now she just looks creepy.

Seems Fitting

2006-06-22T14:34:00.000-03:00

I fly a starship across the Universe divide.
And when I reach the other side,
I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can.
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again.
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain;
But I will remain.
And I'll be back again...

*The Highwayman*

New York, New York

2006-06-22T11:00:00.000-03:00

I've been home for 5 days and now I'm leaving again. This time it's to New York with my mom, aunt and grandmother. It's only for a few days but I'm pretty excited. I think I'm most excited to see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway... or maybe to see Tim and Faith in concert, I can't decide :)

See everyone in a few days!

Girls, Boys and Blowing Stuff Up

2006-06-20T12:06:00.000-03:00

Back home again, unfortunately now very sick. Oh well, as long as I'm better in time to leave again on Friday. Since I haven't been doing much other than laying around and feeling crappy, I've had some time to think. A couple of interesting things happened at the pyrotechnics course over the weekend and I figured I would enlist the help of those of you who have studied gender related stuff (and even those of you who haven't) in analyzing these events.

Interesting Thing #1

As I mentioned in a previous post, the class consisted of about 25 guys and me. I had expected that there would likely be more men than women there but being the only girl there did surprise me. At any of the shows I visited last summer, the division of men and women on the crews was about 50/50.

I have my own theory about this, but I'd like to hear what you guys think. I found that a lot of the guys taking the course acted like they were about 15 years old and were there because "I wanna blow stuff up!!!" While that attitude might have been entertaining when they were 15 and were throwing lighters into a campfire, it's not funny anymore when you are working with professional grade explosives. While I'm sure there are girls out there with the same "yeeha!" kind of attitude, in my experience, guys seem more eager to burn things and play with stuff that blows up.

My theory is that although there may be a lot more guys who make it through the first level of pyrotechnics training, most of them will never advance past that stage for the simple reason that nobody wants a person like that on their crew. I can say from personal experience that when I was standing on the MacDonald bridge in Halifax and the whole thing was wired from end to end with fireworks, I was really glad that no one was bouncing around talking about how cool it was to be blowing stuff up.

So, I think that the number of girls who take the course is roughly equal to the number of guys who do the same, but who are mature and responsible. The people who act like idiots don't last because nobody wants someone like that on their crew, so you end up with a professional crew that consists of roughly the same number of men and women.

Interesting Thing #2 (this one is shorter)

We have already determined that there were a lot of guys and me at this course. I felt a bit out of place but it's wasn't too big of a deal. The guys didn't pay much attention to me for the first part of the course which consisted of classroom stuff. Actually they didn't pay much attention to me during the second part of the course either (this is the part where we were setting off fireworks.) That was fine, the guys talked and joked among themselves but I wasn't there to make friends and I had Nathan to talk to anyway. Things continued in this way until it was my turn. As I walked towards the mortar I was silently hoping that I wouldn't make a fool of myself. I lit the fuse and turned my head, as I took a step away I heard the first explosion (and thought to myself that it seemed a bit early) but I kept walking and then heard the second explosion a couple of steps later, all went well.

As I returned to the group there was a noticeable difference, the guys now talked and joked with me too. They made comments on the different fireworks as they were going off and would turn to see if I agreed. It was nice to feel part of a group but I was not expecting such a change and I'm interested in hearing any theories on why things turned out this way.

Kaboom!!!

2006-06-16T22:45:00.000-03:00

It seems a bit odd to me that I've been home from Venezuela for a week and the first chance I get to update my blog is when I go away again. But here I find myself, sitting in my hotel room in Halifax, too tired to sleep, updating my blog.

The past few weeks have been amazing, crazy and very fun. Nathan and I spent 11 days in Venezuela and had such a great time touring around with Becky and Dan. The highlight of the trip for me was getting to visit the jungle. Two kids from town led us as we hiked deep into the jungle to a waterfall where we went swimming. Also, I would like to point out that Nathan turned out to be a great traveler, and got very good at saying "no gracias" to avoid the people trying to sell him stuff.

Two days after arriving back in Canada I was surprised with a B-Day get-together. Thanks so much to everyone who came :) I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends.

And now here I am in Halifax. Nathan and I spent all day blowing stuff up. I guess I'm no longer just a pyro wannabe. It was a bit nerve wracking being the only girl in the course of about 25-30 guys, but once the fireworks started going off, it didn't seem to matter so much. I feel pretty fortunate, it seems like a lot of fun and it's not something most people ever get to do. Also, not only do I know how to blow stuff up, but the Canadian government says I can do it!

More on the trip and the course later, for now, it's bed time.

Fly Me Around This World

2006-05-27T12:47:00.000-03:00

It has been a very busy month. I graduated from school, worked pretty much all day every day and had fun with friends whenever possible.

Now I find myself a day away from leaving for Venezuela. It's almost hard to believe the time is finally here. We've been talking about it and planning it for so long. I'm only a little nervous but very, VERY excited. And really, I'm only nervous about the first couple of days, or more specifically the time between leaving Toronto and meeting up with Becky and Dan.

It will be an adventure :)

Time to go pack.

I Don't Feel Done or Relieved

2006-04-27T11:38:00.000-03:00

I can now add "defending my thesis" to the list of the most scary things I've ever done. It was soooooooo stressful, but now I'm done. I guess it went ok too, I came out with a good mark, I guess it could even be considered a very good mark, considering how hard my topic was.

People keep saying how I must be so relieve to be done... but the thing is, I'm really not. I hope I'll feel better once the corrections are made and I have my final paper in. At the moment I'm still feeling stressed because I have a short amount of time to get those things done and I'm working full time starting tomorrow. Stupid work, what part of "I'm done on May first" was hard to understand?!

DONE...sort of

2006-04-24T13:11:00.000-03:00

I finally handed in my thesis at 11 last night. It would have been done quite a bit earlier but as luck would have it, the copier at school broke. Where else can a person copy 504 pages at 9pm, on a Sunday, without paying a fortune? Nowhere. So Nathan, mom and myself headed to my parents' office so I could use their copier. It got the job done but is not nearly as fast as what I am used to. It also didn't have a sorter, thanks to mom and Nathan for sorting my entire 126 page thesis by hand... 4 times.

Yep, 126 pages, even I am surprised. I'm also surprised at how much work it was. I can safely say without exaggeration that for a week and a 1/2, I worked between 18 to 20 hours a day on it. It's amazing what you're capable of when you have to get something done.

I slept for 12 hours last night and feel a bit better, unfortunately I don't really have time to slack off, I have another ~20 page paper due in 2 days and I have to get ready for my defense which is on Wednesday :( that thought scares me A LOT.

On a side note, I have only even been to one thesis defense and it was for a masters degree. If there is anyone out there who has been to one, anything you can tell me about it would be appreciated.

Ok, I have to go, and just keep swimming ;)

Crunch Time

2006-04-18T01:05:00.000-03:00

I have never been so stressed.
I have so much to do, I'm not even sure it's possible to get it all done, not getting it done is not an option.
I have been in school long enough to have many stressful times and many sleepless nights... but never like this.
I am getting an average of 4 hours sleep each night, this has been going on for a while.
I have to get back to work.

Next year if I ever say how much I miss school, remind me of how I'm feeling right now... and then kick me.

Happy Birthday Nathan! (and other stuff that is not so fun)

2006-04-13T12:54:00.000-03:00

A Happy Birthday (one day late) to Nathan! No I didn't forget yesterday, I was just too busy to post about it.

It has been a busy few days. I wrote my first and only exam today. It went... ok. Before you all get jealous of me for only having one exam, don't bother. I have a huge take-home to do, an independent studies project to finish and an honors thesis to finish, this consists of: analyzing my data, writing the thesis, presenting it and defending it. In short, I wake up every morning and want to cry and/or throw up, sometimes one more than the other and sometimes both, repeatedly. Dramatic? Yes. Realistic? Hell yes.

In other news, I have hepatitis A and B antibodies forming in my blood as we speak. All the muscles on the left side of the upper half of my body hurt... I hope that's supposed to happen. I'll get 2 more needles and then should be protected for 15+ years. For the crazy amount that it's costing me, I better be.

Ok, back to the school work...

That's Not My Wallet

2006-04-10T00:02:00.000-03:00

Most embarrassing conversation of the week:

- I'm so full it's hard to bend over and tie my shoes in these pant
- Take your wallet out of your front pocket, that might help
- My wallet is on the counter
- Well then what's... oh

I need to learn to think before I open my mouth.

You're Not as Cool as You Think You Are

2006-04-07T19:17:00.000-03:00

I had the greatest conversation the other day with a guy I went to high school with. We were not friends in high school, he was part of the cool group or "lobby people" as they were known (on a side note, we're not really friends now either.) I was not a part of this group and that was just fine with me. I couldn't stand most of them and I loved the friends I had.

In an interesting twist of fate (or maybe just proof that there was something odd but great about my school) 5 of the 6 people in my 4th year Issues in Developmental Psychopharmacology class also went to my high school. One of these people was "lobby guy" as he will be known for the duration of this post, the rest were just normal people, like me. We had our own group of friends, got along with pretty much anyone and didn't really care about the lobby people, as long as they would get out of our way when we had to pass through on the way to class.

The conversation in class went something like this...

All of us: High school was fun, etc, etc, blah blah.
Lobby Guy: Oh! Do you guys remember *Other Lobby Guy*? He did some crazy stuff!
The rest of us: Ummmm, nah, I don't really remember him.
Lobby Guy: No? Well what about *Some Other Lobby Guy*? He was like, the most popular guy at school!
The rest of us: Oh... no not really, I don't remember him.
Lobby Guy: But everyone knew him!
The rest of us: Well I guess not.

So to all you popular people who think you're so great: Someday this stage of your life will be over. Whether you are currently in JrHigh, High school, University or out there working, it doesn't last forever. No one really cares that you're "popular", if anything they think it's kind of pathetic that you believe you are such hot stuff.

Maybe if you spend less time thinking about how much better you are and more time being nice to all those poor people who are not cool enough to be your friends, someone will remember you in a couple years. An interesting point, Lobby Guy is the least liked person in that class.

The moral of the story is - If you're not the kind of person worth remembering, chances are that no one will.

No Comment

2006-03-29T10:50:00.000-04:00

"The Faculty Association and the Administration have agreed not to comment on the status of negotitations"... what the hell?!

Two days of being back at the negotiating table and we've heard nothing, neither side updates their website with any useful information in anything close to a timely fashion. What would it matter if we knew the status of negotiations? It's not like our opinions matters or would affect anything.

This is what I mean by being equally pissed off at both sides. We're the ones who are the most affected by all this and we're the ones being kept in the dark.

Days Go By

2006-03-24T12:25:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a long time since I updated, but wow, Jan 11th?! I am a bad blogger. But I once heard someone say that the more you have to blog about, the less time you have to do it, and I can say that is certainly true in this case. I have SO much to say as so much has been going on. But I know people don't really like reading crazy long blog posts (or maybe that's just me) and aside from that, I don't have time to write one. So I think I'll just give a quick summary of... well that past two months and the important stuff will get more about it later.

If anyone still reads this, thanks for keeping me in mind :) I'm going to get back into updating because I really do like doing it, and I certainly have lots to write about.

The short version (in the ever so organized order of "whatever I think of first"):

I went to Barbados, it was a good time. I didn't do anything but lay on the beach and relax in our amazing villa. I was hot, very, very hot.

My travels will continue in May when Nathan and I head to Venezuela for 10 days to visit Becky and Dan. I am super excited, I hope we don't get kidnapped by drug lords!

In June I'm going to New York City with my mom, aunt and grandmother. We're going to do the touristy thing, see Phantom of the Opera on Broadway AND see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill in concert!

I am supposed to graduate next month, I'm finishing up my thesis. Problem: there are no profs. This thing better get sorted out soon because I am SO ready to be done of school. If anyone wonders "what side I'm on", I'm on *my* side. I totally support the profs, they deserve what they are asking for and the administration is being a bunch of jerks, but I've paid a crapload of money to get this degree and put 4 years of my life into it. If that gets screwed up, I will hate both sides equally.

I don't think I'm going to grad school next year and I'm really happy about this. I haven't found a program I want to be in yet. The profs I wanted to work with aren't taking students next year and while I'd like to finish school as soon as possible, I'm not going to waste time and money going away to school just for the sake of still being in school. Everything could change, but as of now the plan is for me to work next year, move out, get my place and keep looking for a good grad school. I'll apply for funding again and since people seem to have better luck on the second try, I'll hope for the best. I'm really looking forward to next year, a break from school will be nice.

I have a new hobby, Geocaching! Nathan heard about it from a guy at work, we looked into it and it is a lot of fun! It's kind of like a worldwide treasure hunt, we've found 5 so far and plan to do a lot more once the weather warms up.

I still work making photocopies, they gave me a raise so I'm happy. I got offered another lab job for the summer, but with all the traveling I have planned, I think a flexible job will probably be best.

Speaking of work, the new cashiers still hit on my boyfriend and I still find it funny.

I have a new fish! I named him Serinde (yes, it's an elf name, pronounced sir-in-dee) I'll post pictures soon. He's my little friend.

I'm reading The Chronicles of Narnia. Very good books, but I still prefer Lord of the Rings, Tolkien is my hero.

Ok that's all I can think of for now, that's also plenty long and I should get back to work

Matinee

2006-01-11T21:42:00.000-04:00

I usually prefer poems that rhyme, but this is a great exception.

After years of merging and allowing
yourself to be assimilated
Your hair and clothes
have turned brown

Then, one afternoon you leave a theatre
After seeing the restored
Version of 'The Hero Returns'
And find yourself wanting
to be treated special.

- "Matinee", Viggo Mortensen, 1997

Still Studying

2006-01-07T22:13:00.000-04:00

How is it that I have only been back in classes for 4 days and I am studying like crazy? Because I have to go to Halifax tomorrow to write the second part of the GRE of course! So before I get back to my studying and vain attempt not to fail, I'll leave you with a line from a song I heard yesterday. The funny thing is that the song is not new, I have heard it dozens of times and actually I don't even like it that much. I have no idea how I managed to hear it so many times and always miss this certain part, but ever since I did catch it, the song seems to be following me around. I have heard it a few times in that past couple of days.

* Some believe in destiny and some believe in fate. But I believe that happiness is something we create. *

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T13:12:00.000-04:00

I can't say I've ever made a new year's resolution, no one ever seems to keep them and besides, it seems to suggest that if you want to make some changes and make your life better, that you only have one day a year to make that change.

However, at the beginning of each new semester I always find myself thinking about how to make this one better than the last. Since my life pretty much operates on a semester by semester basis, this seems like a good way to do things. The start of another term at school really does feel like more of a fresh start than any particular day of the year ever could. New classes, new proffs, new schedule, not to mention the changes that come with advancing futhur into my thesis research.

So here I present to you my list. Not of new years resolutions, but of things I'd like to do better this semester. Apparently if you write things down, you're more likely to accomplish them. I don't know if I believe that, but I'm sure it will give people the opportunity to make fun of me if I don't accomplish what I say I will. That's encouragement enough, right?

Sleep more. Not to sleep the day away or anything like that, but just to get a good amount of sleep. 8 hours a night sounds good. Being overtired just makes everything seems harder.

Eat better. This means having breakfast before leaving for the lab and taking a break from work to have lunch. Skipping meals make me feel yucky.

Do Stuff. Other than going to school and going to work. This past semester I found I had so little energy after I finished doing all the things I HAD to do that day, that I had very little left for doing fun stuff. I want to have fun with my friends, to go out and DO SOMETHING. Not just sit at home in front of the computer when I do have spare time.

Don't waste money. I want to do lots of traveling this coming spring and summer, this requires money. Last year I spent a lot of money when I didn't have to, on things like buying my lunch when I could have brought something from home. I'm all for spending money on things that bring me joy, going out with friends and the like. But fast food just makes me feel blegh. I still like eating out and will do it, but maybe once a week is enough.

Take time to appreciate what I have. I have a great life and great friends. I need to remind myself of that sometimes but wow, I am one lucky girl :)

Moving On

2005-12-30T11:59:00.000-04:00

I thought I remembered the holidays as being a relaxing time. Maybe I remembered it wrong, or maybe this year was different, but that certainly wasn't the case. That's not to say I haven't had a great time, I certainly have.

The hardest part is not knowing where I'll be next year. I have a couple of options, but nothing even close to certain yet. I'm also supposed to write the second entrance exam for grad school in a week. You're supposed to study for like, 2 months for it... this does not look good.

Well I'm off again, I still have so much to do! Ladies night tonight, work all day tomorrow and then Happy New Year!!!

Merry Christmas(eve)

2005-12-24T17:03:00.000-04:00

Since I will probably be too busy tomorrow to say this:

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has a great holiday, you all deserve it. See you in the new year :)

My New Friend

2005-12-22T20:38:00.000-04:00

Exams are over (sort of) and papers are done (kinda) so now I am in full time Christmas mode. With all the planning, shopping and such I haven't had much time, but I am very much enjoying myself. Since I'm not giving you anything worth reading, feel free to play with my new adopted pet:

adopt your own virtual pet!

I Just Had This Conversation:

2005-12-12T15:55:00.000-04:00

Ash: Blah blah blah, talk talk, everyone listen to me, blah blah blah
Me: Will you shut up! I'm trying to write a paper and I only have 6 lines so far!
Ash: How much do you need?
Me: ........ 20 pages
Ash: That is the saddest thing I have ever heard... time for a mental breakdown!

How right she is.

Found

2005-12-10T15:05:00.000-04:00

Late yesterday evening, this little cat decided she was going to come for a ride in my car. When that didn't work out, she decided that Nathan and I were her new best friends and followed us up to his apartment. It was snowing hard out, it was cold and she is so skinny, so of course we had to do something.

She (or he, we're not sure) is just a kitten, old enough not to have to be with mom, but still very young. She's all black with green eyes. She wasn't wearing a collar. She's skinny and doesn't meow properly, but she doesn't seem to be in really bad health or anything. She is very affectionate and gentle and loves to sit on your knees and be scratched.

She is currently residing at Nathan's apartment. If anyone recognizes her or knows where her family might be, please let me know.

If This is a Critical Period of Development, my Thesis is a Neurotoxin

2005-11-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

I am officially going crazy trying to get my lit review done by Friday, so I'm going to keep working on that. I leave you with this quote from some of my friends in the lab (who I spend way too much time with and as a result, talk to waaaaaay too much). They are wise words indeed:

"There was too much girl in that relationship"

You guys are so right.

And What an Adventure it Was...

2005-11-23T11:21:00.000-04:00

The wind was howling and the rain was coming down in buckets, so of course I decided to stay at home, warm and dry. Right? Wrong.

Nathan and I decided to take a drive out to the cottage and see what the storm was like by the water. We dressed warm and brought raincoats, it was sure to be an adventure! We were not disappointed and were treated to a great show of the waves crashing against the rocks. The spray from the water made the whole area seem foggy. We tried to take some pictures but as it was so dark and windy, they mostly didn't turn out. It was getting late, we were tired and very wet so we decided to head for home.

I turned on my car but instead of the usual "VROOM!" it only gave a sick little "click"... silence. Again "click".... silence. I hadn't left the lights on, I hadn't done anything wrong, but my battery was dead. We decided to wait a bit and try again, nothing. Nathan popped the hood and jiggled the connections, still nothing. So at 1:00 in the morning, in the middle of a storm, I called my dad. Or rather... I tried. The cell phone gave me the same erie silence as the car.

#@%!$# We were too far out of town to get a connection. Sure the cottage was right there but we've closed it up for the winter, there was no electricity and no phone. All the other cottages around us stood empty, their owners having left them long ago. So we started walking, up the hill towards the highway where I hopped we'd be able to get a signal.

It all worked out ok, my phone did eventually work and my dad got out of bed and came to give us a jump (in the process, nearly getting his truck stuck in the muddy ruts that used to be our road). I finally got home at 2:00 in the morning and collapsed in bed.

I got my adventure alright, it will be a night to remember. The funny thing is, I'll probably do it again the next time a storm blows in. I guess I haven't learned my lesson.

Red Shirts and Pickup Lines

2005-11-20T02:02:00.000-04:00

I have decided to put off reviewing Harry Potter for another few days, since I know some people have yet to go see it. In the meantime...

To all the girls who keep hitting on my boyfriend:

STOP

I'm reminded of a song:
"I'm sure you waited for a long, long time
to find a man like mine
but honey you're too late"

Seriously, there must be something about Staples that just makes people horny. So no, he doesn't want to talk about 14th century greetings, he doesn't want to exchange witty banter and he certainly doesn't want to go back to your place and see your dominatrix costume. The reason? Applications are currently not being accepted, the position has been filled.

The great thing is, it doesn't really bother me. Obviously these girls have great taste, can't say I blame them ;) But the trust is there, and the honesty is there, so for now I am content to hear about the latest escapades and I truly find them funny. I'm just hoping sooner or later one of them screws up and says something in front of me. Oh the possibilities.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

2005-11-17T12:42:00.000-04:00

Everybody who is anybody is going to the midnight Harry Potter show tonight. I should be doing homework and going to class... but I'm not!

We'll see how this movie measures up to the books, I'm sure a rant will follow.

'till then!

Update

2005-11-04T19:05:00.000-04:00

I am now slightly less busy, enough so that I can sit in front of the computer and not feel the compulsive need to do work.

I couldn't possibly write about all the stuff that has happened in the past couple of weeks, but I'll try and give a decent review.

- I got my NSERC application in, I'll never get it, but I had to try. On a side note, the registrar's office is incompetent.
- I'm finished running my experiment tomorrow. I haven't had a day off in over a month, I'm going crazy, the rats have gone crazy, we're all practically suicidal. It will be nice to have it over with.
- A couple big things are out of the way, Phys Psych lab exam done, Clinical presentation done. However, more big things are coming up soon.
- I actually have dreams about classes, rats and Dr.Phil... this is a new low for me.

On a more positive note, I had a blast last weekend. On Friday we had a huge surprise party for my dad, my mom rented a restaurant and invited lots of people. We did manage to keep it a secret and it turned out to be a great time. Later that night, Ash, me, Maria, Mike, Nathan, Maggie, Kara and Dave went to the haunted house at school. I was scared but it was a lot of fun, Ash got very freaked out, laughing at her is always fun. We went to DQ after, mmmmmm. Then on Sat me, Nathan, Dave, Ash, mom, dad and Susan went to another haunted house and a haunted corn maze. It was also scary, especially the part when they chase you with a chainsaw... Sunday was Dad's b-day supper, pumpkin carving and treatbag making. I really liked my pumpkin and Nathan did a great job on his first pumpkin ever!

My pumpkin

Nathan's pumpkin

Ok, back to work now. I'm going to write some more "interesting/relevant stuff" soon, I have a couple of ideas. Also, I have been reminded that I never did make that post on how incredibly stupid people are. Seeing as I get more proof everyday, I should write it soon.

Burning Out

2005-10-22T00:39:00.000-03:00

I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. I really don't know how I will make it through. As a result, I am currently accepting applications for the following:

Someone to do my homework. I need at least an 80% in everything, preferably higher. I only have 2 classes and they're pretty interesting.

Someone to apply to NSERC and convince them they should give me a crapload of money next year to fund my research. Here's the trick, I don't have a grad school, a supervisor or a topic, good luck with that.

Someone to finish my research for me. It's going well and you get to play with rats, AND it only takes 5 hours everyday!

Someone to finish my *other* research project. You get to play with baby rats this time, it would help if you know how to give SubQ injections. Becky will even help you! (as the project is 1/2 hers.)

Someone to look at grad schools, find me a program, find a supervisor, apply and get me in.

Someone to study for and write the GRE for me. I'd really like it if you could get me a good mark, or you might have trouble with the previous point.

Someone to write my thesis and defend it before the board. Once again, doing a good job would be a plus.

Someone to work my job. You get yelled at by stupid customers, not so fun, but you get to play with cool, high-tech photocopiers, what fun!

Someone to TA the Animal Learning class at school. If you actually know something about animal cognition or neuroscience, even better!

Please forward all applications to ambergoingcrazybecauseofalltheworksheastodo@universitythatismakingmecrazy.com
Since I am seriously doing all of these things at the moment, any help would be appreciated, no reasonable offer refused! (Except that...sicko)

I am Not a Monster

2005-10-10T01:10:00.000-03:00

... and I'm sick of being treated like one.

This is a topic that has been on my mind for a while but a recent conversation with a coworker has pushed me to bring it up. As I was leaving work this week, the following happened:

Me: See you later, I'm off!
Cashier: Oh you get to go home, I'm jealous.
Me: Hehe, don't be, I'm going to the lab, not home.
Cashier: The lab?
Me: Yeah I'm doing my honors project in neuroscience, I have a bunch of rats.
Cashier: Oh... I don't approve of animal testing.
Me: ...ok... uh... why not?
Cashier: I don't like people who torture animals.

What the hell?! What are you supposed to say to that? Obviously if someone has already formed that strong of an opinion on something they know nothing about, it's going to be pretty hard to change their minds.

Sure I always knew that opinions was out there. I mean, there are people who actually blow up labs, set animals free and purposely screw up experiments (aka. kill people AND animals, great idea morons.) But I guess I really though most people were reasonable. Unfortunately it has come to my attention that this is often not the case.

Why do you think scientists do research, because we're all a bunch of sadistic wackos? Because it's a fun way to spend Saturday afternoon? Because we all hate animals and spend our days thinking up new, twisted ways to hurt them?

Let me present a fact that you may not have considered in the past: PEOPLE WHO WORK IN LABS THAT USE ANIMALS FOR TESTING REALLY LIKE ANIMALS

A quote from my proff, the supervisor of the lab I work in: "There is no place in my lab for anyone who dislikes animals. When you do an experiment on a person, you are responsible for their well-being for a few hours, but when you do an experiment with an animal, you are responsible for their entire life. You have to make sure that life is not in vain. The animal's comfort is more important than your own."

Last week I attended a lecture on ethics in research by the vet in charge of laboratory animals at my university. She talked about how when she was in vet school none of the students ever wanted to become a lab vet because they felt it would be hard to watch animals in testing situations. However, the lady who actually is the lab animal vet said it was the best thing that has ever happened to her and when she talks to her colleagues now, she feels she is lucky to have the job she has. Here are the reasons she gave:

She never encounters animals who have been mistreated by owners who didn't know better or couldn't care less.

She is never asked to destroy an animal simply because the owner doesn't want it anymore or because they can't financially take care of it.

She knows that animal testing is done well and that the animals are taken care of because she is the one supervising it.

Anyway that was kind of a side note to show that even people in positions where they should know better often have unrealistic ideas about animal testing too. So then I asked myself, how is it so many people have this belief? Where are they getting their information?

I decided to put off torturing animals for the evening and do a bit of research. I visited the PETA website, since when I think of animal rights people, they are the first that come to mind.

They cover a wide range of topics, while I agree with some and recognize others for the BS they are, I will focus this discussion on lab animals specifically. I feel I am just as much of an expert as PETA on this subject, if not more, because I actually work in a lab. Though for the sake of clarity, I will specify exactly what it is I am qualified to comment on:

I live, work and study in Canada. I know what the laws are in this country.

I work in a lab that uses only rats, no other animals, although I have visited other labs.

I have seen and experienced the workings of 2 separate labs. I have friends and coworkers who have worked in many labs across the country and around the world. Therefore, while my experiences may not be true for all labs, they are the norm.

I am a psychologist in training, not a medical doctor. However, my chosen field of behavioral neuroscience is closely tied in with medicine. In other words, I am not a doctor, I never will be a doctor, but I do medical type research as well as research on thinking, learning, memory, etc. because of the field I am in.

Ok, on to the "evidence." This is an actual paragraph taken from PETA's website where they are talking about how horrible animal research is. My comments are added in brackets.

"... think of what it would be like to endure this and then be dumped back into a cage, usually without any painkillers. (FALSE. Animals who may experience pain are given analgesics so that they are not in pain.) Video footage from inside laboratories shows that animals cower in fear every time someone walks by their cages. (FALSE. I must be doing something very wrong because when I walk by cages the animals come running up to say hello.) They don't know if they will be dragged from their prison cells for an injection, blood withdrawal, a painful procedure or surgery, or death. (Yeah, I guess I have confused looking for treats with cowering in fear, silly me.) Often animals see other animals killed right in front of them. (FALSE. That would be extremely traumatic for the animal. When an animal does have to be euthanised, it is done in another room, away from his cage mates.)"

I could go on but this post is already ridiculously long. Seriously, the more I read on this site the crankier I am getting, how can they spout such BS? I do understand how people can be so against animal testing though, if this was all the information I ever got I'd think scientists were evil people who like to torture animals as well. What I don't understand is how these people can keep saying things that are flat out lies!

I am not saying that animal cruelty does not exist, it absolutely does. And I know for a fact that PETA has done some good things. There have been a couple of labs in the US that were doing some sick and inhumane things and they were shut down. So while I say "good job" for that, it's unfair to say that all or even most labs are like that, when in fact, they aren't.

If you're just going to send me hateful messages about what a horrible person I am and how I deserve to burn in hell, don't bother ok? I have my opinion, you have yours and we will likely never agree. But if you have an intelligent comment I would be interested in hearing it. Also if you have a question about the reality of animal testing I am happy to give you an honest answer. I can pretty much guarantee it will have more truth to it than a lot of the anti-testing propaganda you'll find if you start searching Google.

You Can Read Me Anything

2005-10-09T01:24:00.000-03:00

Society seems pretty obsessed with beauty. For women in particular, there are countless products out there that promise to make you beautiful. While these products might try to sell happiness as part of the package, it makes sense that feeling beautiful will contribute to happiness.

Before you all start ripping into me, read that part again. I didn't just saying being beautiful make people happy. I don't think that's true at all, look at all the beautiful people in Hollywood, they sure don't seem happy a lot of the time. I believe that if you are truly happy, it shows on the outside. Whether a person is beautiful or not is a matter of opinion, but if you feel beautiful, it shows.

This is all well and good you might say, but how does one go about feeling beautiful? Well there are many things that can contribute to that. Just as finding happiness does not depend on one single thing, neither does how you feel about yourself. But I think I have found a significant contributing factor, for women at least. It is both far more simple and far more complex than one might think.

The secret to a woman feeling beautiful, is to have the man in her life tell her everyday how beautiful she is.

I Hate People

2005-10-06T20:37:00.000-03:00

I promised some great stories about the joys of working in the service industry, so here you go, this happened today.

I was working on an order I had taken the day before. A man was making a collection of special pictures for his wife for their anniversary and asked me to enlarge some, as well as change the colors on others. I had my back turned for ~3 seconds, when I turned back to face the counter there was a man standing there, snapping his fingers and shouting at me "can I get this rung in already or what?!" "Um, sure" I reply, as I walk (perhaps a little slowly) towards the counter. He proceeds to pay for all 14 cents worth of copies. I force a smile "thank you, have a nice day," and he leaves. He later calls my manager to complain about my bad attitude and poor level of customer service. In response, I have drafted a letter;

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Dear Impatient A-hole,

I am not your dog, surely you must be confused because only a complete idiot would snap his fingers at a human being. If you were as important as you seem to think you are, I doubt you would be at staples making photocopies. I hope you feel satisfied that you spent 10 minutes of your day yelling at my manager about what a horrible person I am and how I deserve to be fired. We all agreed you were a jerk and had a good laugh at your expense.

Sincerely,
Copy goddess (who has worked at that store for 2 1/2 years and never had a complaint)
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The best part is that he tried to get me trouble by telling my manager I was looking at pictures on the computer. That's what I do moron, I develop pictures.

What is Missing

2005-09-28T00:09:00.000-03:00

I am in super panic mode because it seems the academic world is trying to crush me. In order to continue doing work and not add to my panic, I will leave you with a short post, but one I feel has a lot of meaning.

You often hear people say "you never know what you have until it's gone." I absolutely believe this is true but I have recently come to understand that it is only half of the story.

While you can never truly know what you have until it is missing, you can also never truly know what you were missing until you have it.

What is Love?

2005-09-20T22:11:00.000-03:00

I am a bit behind on posting as I have been sick with a bad cold for the past few days. Unfortunately this means I am also behind in school work so rather than make a long post, I will direct you to a currently ongoing and interesting debate at Maria's Blog where she asks the question "What is love?"

This is a question I have spent a lot of time thinking about and I wrote a rather lengthy reply which I will post below. I'd love to hear what you guys have to say. Do you agree with me? Disagree? By all means, let me know, either here or on the original post at Maria's Blog.

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Love is a feeling, an emotion and an experience, but most of all, love is a choice.

Why is it I feel qualified to talk about such a complicated and difficult subject? Because I have seen both sides of it, love is beautiful and horrible and I know this from experience. I have floated high above a world where everything was right and everyone was great and every day was a new day to be discovered. I have felt the devastation of having that world fall to pieces before me as I struggled to comprehend how a person I trusted and admired could suddenly turn mean and hateful. I felt there was nothing I couldn't do, in an instant it all changed, and I felt completely worthless.

Love at first sight does not exist. You can certainly be attracted to someone the first time you meet them but that is lust at first sight, not love. Love takes time. Love is something that grows. It happens when two people experience the highs and lows that life always seems to find some way to throw at us, and as a result, they form a bond.

Love happens when you can always count on another person to try and help you, even if you don't know what you need. Love happens when you trust someone with everything you have. Love happens when you care for someone so much, that you would rather be hurt yourself than have them suffer for a moment. Love happens when another person lets you see all sides of them, the good and the bad, and rather than judge them, you accept them.

Certainly you have to like someone before you love them, and you have to get along with them before you like them, and you have to be attracted to them on some level so that you spend time with them before you know if you get along with them. There are many steps that must come before love and lucky for us a lot of people get weeded out during these step, otherwise it would be even harder to define this thing called love. But at some point, a choice has to be made.

Some people say that when you are in love "you'll just know." I'm sorry, but I think whoever said that is full of it. You'll know you are in love when you choose to allow yourself to love someone. I know there are probably a lot of people out there who disagree with me, but I'll hold to my belief. Chemistry and compatibility can only take you so far, at some point you have to decide.

I can hear the outcry now "But Amber! That sounds so very unromantic! Surely you don't mean it! How can we decide to love someone?" Simple. Love is hard. Any deep, meaningful relationship is hard. If it were easy, we'd be best friends with everyone! Take a look at the relationships you have with the people who mean the most to you, the people you love, they might be best friends, family members or a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Has the relationship always been easy? Do you always get along and agree on everything? No, you have to work on it, you have to try. You have to decide that this relationship is important enough that even when things are going badly, you're not going to give up, you'll make it work. The tough part is that since a relationship involves 2 people, both people have to decide they want it to work to make it successful.

I think a lot of problems today can be attributed to people having unrealistic expectations about love. People expect everything to always be happy and good, they expect love to be easy, they expect they won't have to make a choice. But if you don't make the choice, who will? Fate, chance or whatever you want to call it may bring people together, but it is up to those people to decide where to go from there.

Love can not be measured, except in our own minds, as we are the only ones who know the degree of love we feel for someone, although poems and songs do an admirable job, love is something that can never fully be described in words. Some people may wake up one morning and realize how much this person means to them "Wow! I'm in love!" while for others it may be a gradual realization "You know, she means so much to me... I think I love her."

To copy Maria and end with a quote:

Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, on a mountain high
Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away, for one happy day
We could be heroes

Helping

2005-09-13T22:30:00.000-03:00

Today in class we were talking about how psychology is very much a "helping" profession. The proff asked the question "what makes a good helper?" which was then followed by the question of "what makes a bad helper?" I find this question far more interesting and I actually mentioned (I hardly ever speak in class) that a bad helper is someone who says they are helping you, when really they are helping themselves.

List of phrases that people should automatically be slapped for saying:
- It's for your own good
- Someday you'll realize it and thank me
- This is better for both of us

Where did we ever get the idea that we know what someone else wants or needs even better than they do? How is it we believe that we have the right to decide for someone else what is right for them? There is nothing wrong with doing what you want to do or helping yourself. Do what you have to but don't try to make yourself feel better by telling someone else that you're actually helping them.

It seems the height of ignorance to do something for your own sake and then tell someone else you're doing it for them.

*cranky blog rant over*

Another Gallery Update

2005-09-12T21:01:00.000-03:00

I told you spending so much time at my desk would pay off. I'm getting lots of "studying" done. See the "Frisbee Golf" category for pictures of this weekend's Silver Orange Frisbee Golf Tournament and the "Harry Potter" category for pictures from the Indigo party the night Book 6 was released.

Blood, It's In You To Keep (But Giving It Is Still The Right Thing To Do)

2005-09-09T18:00:00.000-03:00

I was reading in the paper the other day that you have a 1 in 2 chance of needing blood at some point in your lifetime. This means that 50% of Canadians will need and hopefully receive blood that has been given by donors. That is actually the good part. The bad part is that only 4% of Canadians donate blood. These figures really shocked me. I know that not many people donate but I had no idea the numbers were that low.

Now I hate those commercials as much as everyone else. I don't appreciate paying 10 dollars to see a movie and then being told "Blood, it's in you to give." No. Actually blood is in you to transport oxygen throughout your body and despite what the commercials say, it's meant to stay inside you. However, and this is the BIG however, the average person is perfectly capable of donating a liter of blood every couple of months. I don't agree with the commercials that try to guilt you into it, but I understand why they do it. How can 4% of the population be expected to provide enough blood to save 50% of the population? You or someone you know will need blood at some point in your life. So if you are medically able to give blood now, don't you have a responsibility to do just that? Is it really fair to expect others to keep giving blood so that it will be there when you need it?

When I was 13 I got very sick and was only days away from needing a blood transfusion to keep my body from shutting down. Luckily I was able to avoid that, but I hope the blood would have been there if I needed it. When I became old enough, I gave blood, I did it regularly for over a year. Unfortunately the same problem that almost made me need a transfusion years ago, now makes me unable to give blood anymore... curse you red blood cells!

Anyway, I'm not trying to guilt anyone into it, but I know in my case I saw the tv commercials, I read in the paper about the need for blood, I rolled my eyes when I'd go to the movies and an ad would come on and I never thought anything more about it. It wasn't until Laura went to give blood and told me about it that it kind of registered, this is something people do, people like me. I could do this!

So if there is anyone out there who just never really though about giving blood before, it's easy! It's even kinda fun. The people that work there are very nice and truly appreciative of you taking time to help out. It only takes half an hour and of that time, the needle is only in your arm for 5-10 minutes. It hardly even hurts AND you get free cookies, cake juice, coffee, etc when you're finished! You also get a nifty card with your name and blood type on it.

If anyone would like some more info or has questions about giving blood, let me know. I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it.

So forget the old slogan, I have a better one!

Blood, it's in you to keep, but giving it is still the right thing to do.
Canadian Blood Services

Gallery Update

2005-09-07T21:55:00.000-03:00

I finally got my act together and posted some new pictures on my gallery. Follow the link on the left to see them. There is a new section called "Fireworks" and some new ones will be up in the "pictures" section shortly.

Summer List

2005-09-06T11:26:00.000-03:00

First order of business- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA!!! The big 21, do you feel like an adult yet? Apparently we are now... I'm still waiting to feel like one though... and now, on with the post;

Since I go back to school tomorrow, today is technically my last day of summer vacation. I don't think it will be that big of a change for me to go back to school, since I worked there all summer, I never really left.

When the summer began, I wasn't looking forward to it, I didn't even really want it to come. I had made all these plans for what the summer would be and what I was going to do and then in an instant it was all gone. Maria and Liz each made a post on their blogs of a list of the things they wanted to accomplish during the summer. I thought this was a great idea, a way to make sure the summer is what you want it to be, but I just couldn't bring myself to do the same. All I could think of were the things I wouldn't get to do. I decided if I had no expectations, then I couldn't be further disappointed.

I don't know if my "plan" worked or if the world was just determined to prove me wrong, but I had a great summer. I'm glad it came and glad it happened, even though I was wishing it wouldn't at the time. So here is my "after the fact list" of all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer (although I didn't know a lot of them at the time.) Just so you know I am still being realistic here, there were lots of things I would have liked to do that I didn't get to do, for one reason or another, but I'm not even going to think about those, as this summer was great and I wouldn't change it.

My List of Things I Want to Accomplish This Summer
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- rootbeer and chocolate at Kinda Green Alligator, see the llamas again, chase purple monkeys, catch some slugs
- play capture the flag, realize I haven't really run for a VERY long time, have some great times at DQ
- spend many days laying in the sun, swimming in the ocean and exploring the beach, (get a tan in the process)
- go kayaking in calm water and huge waves, find interesting places and go exploring, get caught in unexpected weather but make it home in the end.
- have lots of bonfires, roast marshmallows, make smores
- see all the friends I don't see often enough
- go to the drive in, just to make sure I still hate it... I still hate it
- jump on the trampoline in the rain, go for long walks in the rain, sit and listen to the rain
- train a squirrel to sit on my knees and eat peanuts from my hand
- be a tourist for the day, go to silly museums, play minigolf, go to Rainbow Valley one last time
- visit friends I miss, feed goats, go for walks, see new things, swim in a lake, eat crepes at the market
- go behind the scenes at fireworks shows, walk across the bridge from Halifax to Dartmouth, clean mortars, realize I really like fireworks, light a firework for the first time, buy more fireworks, set them off several times and have a mini-show
- see family that I don't get to see often enough, do lots of catching up
- play the old Super Nintendo games, remember how much I liked them
- learn to play backgammon, win at backgammon... sometimes
- look at the stars, see many shooting stars
- stay up until 4 in the morning and not even realize how late it is
- go up in the tower of a historic church and see the city from above
- play trivia and not come in last! Eating lots of nachos and deepfried mars bars in the process
- have the greatest summer job ever, get to leave early if I want, work with great people and play with rats all day long
- go for long walks and remember how beautiful this island is
- ride a horse once in a while, remember how much I love it
- go to the beach at night, climb the lifeguard tower
- climb trees, on my own and with help
- get the new Harry Potter book the moment it becomes available, not do anything else until I finish reading it and then speculate endlessly about what will happen next
- to get lost and then get found
- I want someone to show me that not everyone you decide to trust is going to take advantage of you and then only be kind to you when it is convenient for them to do so
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All these things did happen and I enjoyed myself so very much. As for the last point, it did happen, over and over again, by some people I have know for a very long time and some people I have only known for a short time. If you are reading this blog, you're probably one of them. So I want to thank everyone that made my summer great. I'm going back to school tomorrow, but I plan to keep on having fun and making memories in the months to come.

Here's to a summer that's not quite over yet!

Good People

2005-09-03T22:22:00.000-03:00

What is it that makes a person good or bad? I was watching Dr. Phil the other day (any story that starts like that has to end badly, right?) So anyway, I was watching Dr. Phil and there was this lady on there who abuses drugs and alcohol, who doesn't take care of her kids and who is violent towards everyone in her family. Dr. Phil said something like, "I don't think you're a bad person, you've just made some bad choices."

This comment got me thinking, what makes a person good or bad? Because really, where do you draw the line between a good person who makes bad choices and a bad person? I would have to say that a serial killer is a bad person, and that should I screw up and hurt someone, I'm still a good person, I just made a mistake. But what about everything in between?

You hear people say all the time, "well he did __(insert bad thing here)___, but he's not a bad person, he'd just confused/going through a rough time/made a mistake/has a bad family situation." But come on, there is a lot of evil stuff going on in the world, so I don't buy that we're all good people who make bad choices.

What about people who lie, cheat and steal from everyone they meet? What about muderers and rapists? No. If you do bad things, you're a bad person, no matter what Dr. Phil and other say to sugarcoat it. That doesn't mean you'll always be a bad person, or that you can't try to fix what you've done wrong but the type of people who are predators, who deliberately hurt others either on purpose or by neglect, are bad. This might seem like a pretty harsh claim but it is impossible to draw a line otherwise.

I believe there is a lot of good in the world, but there is also a lot of evil. People cause both and should take responsibility for that.

Apple Slices

2005-09-02T12:53:00.000-03:00

On my way out to the cottage last night Ash convinced me to stop at MacDonalds. I only wanted fries but as I was placing my order the ad for *Apple Slices and Caramel Dip* stared at me. Every single time I have gone to MacDonalds since they came out with those I have seen the picture and thought to myself, who would order that? Who thinks to themselves "I feel like going to MacDonalds tonight, I'm really craving some apple slices." When I go out there it is because I want a big greasy burger.

So I ordered some apple slices, and I'll admit I was quite curious to see what they would be like. Arriving at the cottage I reach into the bag and realize they forgot the caramel dip. I'm not surprised, because come on, this is MacDonalds. I would estimate that 80% of the time they screw up my order, other fast food places only do it 5-10% of the time, so what is wrong with MacDonalds? Ok, mini-rant over. So I have no caramel dip but at least the apple slices are there.

In my naive excitement I had expected apples in some kind of resalable container, as if they had been cut up this morning and put in the fridge until I arrived. Wrong, very very wrong. The apple slices were sealed inside a bag, similar to the type of bag the toys come in. You had to tear the bag to get at the apples. But there was something else wrong. It was odd to have something in front of you that looked like apple and felt like apple, but did not smell like apples. A moment later I realized they did not taste like apples either and then I realized what was wrong with the apples. They had been cut up and put in this bag who know how long ago... and they were still white. No brown on them at all and even as I had the bag open beside me, they stayed white.

WHAT KIND OF FREAK APPLES ARE THESE?!

Maybe the caramel dip would have disguised the funny taste but who knows what they put on those things to stop them from turning brown. Forget it, I'm going to stick with my double cheeseburger.

A Dramatic Portrayal of my Infiltration of the Mac World

2005-08-23T18:59:00.000-03:00

I walk along the crowded street, my eyes alert, searching for my target. Was my information correct? Would I find what I needed or wander aimlessly, lost in the sea of people? I read the signs as I pass, feeling that I certainly have the wrong place. But no, there it is. A small sign that reads "The Little Mac Shop" leads me to the opposite side of the street and directs me towards a staircase. As I descend into the basement I feel the temperature drop.

I find myself in a small room packed with Apple paraphernalia. From the cash register to the posters on the walls, everything screams Mac. I feel I have entered dangerous territory. The locals watch me, I fear they know I am an imposter and can smell the PC aura that certainly surrounds me after 21 years of not using anything but. Fresh blood.

Fearing for my life I quickly pull out my iPod shuffle. Look, I am one of you, I belong, please don't hurt me. The leader of the pack steps foreword and asks to help me, it seems the sight of my iPod has calmed the mob and I will be safe for now. He shows me the accessories I came to find and leaves me to look them over. I am shocked at the exuberant prices but say nothing, I still need to get out of here alive. I choose a cover and take 4 steps to the left to pay for it, I can sense how close I am to freedom. "Thank you, have a nice day." I turn and head back up the stairs, emerging into the light of day. I have survived, infiltrated the Mac underground and lived to tell the tale.

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Of course you all know I'm just kidding. The people at the Little Mac Shop were very nice and helpful. But I did feel as if I had stepped into some sort of cult territory going down there and the prices, YIKES! $40 for a case?! I only paid $100 for the iPod itself! So I bought the cheapest one they had (one that only surrounds the sides for $15) and then came home and bought 2 full covers for $4 on eBay.

That's a Wrap

2005-08-22T12:36:00.000-03:00

My summer job is now officially over. It was a great job and I'm a little sad to be leaving it. Fortunately I'm not really leaving, I'm going to keep doing what I have been, the only thing is that now I won't get paid for doing it.

I've had a busy week, so I'll try to sum up what has happened.

- Spent a lot of time at Old Home Week, saw the draft horses, barrels and poles, english show, cows, sheep and chickens and saw some of the races.
- Went digging for bar clams, tide came in, got stuck on a sandbar, got very wet.
- Climbed a tree, did not get stuck
- Got Honors figured out
- Got independent research thing figured out
- Saw Gabrielle! (and had lunch with the ladies)
- Set off fireworks

It's hard to believe summer is almost over, but I have a couple of weeks left and I plan to make the most of it. Also, hopefully update more often, since I will be spending more time in front of the computer once classes start again.

Would anyone like to write this paper for me?

2005-08-12T18:48:00.000-03:00

I know I've been pretty slack on posting but I've been working like crazy lately. To offset the working like crazy, I have also been playing like crazy. All this working and playing has not left much time for posting but I know people do read this and I feel I should give you all something to read, even if its not really worth reading, heh.

I'm in the middle of writing a paper about the ultrasonic vocalizations of infant rats and the meaning of such vocalizations as they may be used for testing the effects of drugs on humans. I think it is the hardest thing I have ever had to write for school. The intro is due Monday and I still have a lot of work left to do on it.

I only have one week of work left, the summer has flown by and with it, my summer job. I was in to Staples a couple of days ago and will be starting to work there again mid-September. I'm still not too sure how I feel about that. I miss my friends there and it will be nice to see them again, but at the same time, I have really gotten used to the freedom and responsibility of my current job and I think it will be hard to go back. Oh, and I sure do miss getting yelled at by crazy customers for stuff that isn't my fault, yep, it will be nice to have that back. On the positive side going back to the customer service industry will give me a lot of interesting things to write about. People are stupid and they seems to like to demonstrate this at Staples on a regular basis, so you can be sure I'll keep you all up to date on that.

In between finishing my current job, and starting my new/old one, I'll be busy finishing up the research that Becky and I started back in January. It will be a very busy couple of week and I'm sure it will drain what little brain power I have left but it sure will be nice to get it done.

I do have some plans for this blog, and I will get around to it sooner or later, hopefully in the next couple of weeks. This list is more for my benefit to get things straight in my mind but hey, maybe someone will enjoy the "sneak preview"

Post pictures on my gallery
I've been taking a lot lately and the good one will go up, as well as some of the fireworks, my mini-trip to NS, my big trip to Edmonton, cottage pictures and anything else that has stood still long enough for me to snap a picture of it. Oh, on a somewhat related note, I don't think Dan reads this but Becky does, so you can tell him: *Please don't delete my gallery, I WILL update it. I'll even put up some pictures of my rabbit so you can see how much cuter yours is :P* (Is "cuter" a work?... It is now.)

Write my summer To Do list.
Yes I know, summer is almost over, but that's why I can now write my list. I'll explain later.

Some kind of cryptic post about relationships and everything I have learned about them, including how _____ some people can be. (Substitute any word in that blank, good or bad, I guarantee you it has happened.)

A post about what I'm doing for my honors.
It will likely only make sense to me and even then, maybe not.

On a final note, this is Old Home Week. Every time I mention this to someone my age the response I get is something along the likes of "I love the rides!" or "I don't usually go, I don't like the rides." THERE IS MORE TO OLD HOME WEEK THAN THE RIDES AND THE PARADE. In fact, the rides are kinda crappy and I never go see the parade. Do yourself a favor this year, have a look at the schedule, pick a day, pay your $5 and go. Take a walk through the trade center, look at all the cool displays upstairs. Go to the barn and visit the horses. Go to the petting zoo, they have a beeffalo! Go some evening and watch the jumping, I guarantee it is exciting in person. Go see some of the races. Go pet one of the sheep, they feel like sweaters. There is plenty to do and if you get bored you can always go on the rides, or hey, just walk past the carnies, that's entertaining in itself.

KGA and Kayaks

2005-08-06T17:03:00.000-03:00

Today was a great summer day. A trip to a place from long ago and another thing is crossed off Maria's summer list.

Today was also the first day I got to try out my new kayak! Yay, I'm excited! It is pretty windy here and the waves were bigish but Dad and I went out anyway. We didn't go too far, just played in the waves for a while. Hopefully tomorrow will be calmer and I'll be able to explore the shoreline.

The orange one is me. ^ After the first day out I have to say, this kayak is amazing! 10 times better than what I used to paddle. Even in big waves it stayed steady and straight. I also love having a rudder, it was so much easier to keep a steady rhythm with the paddle and make slight adjustments as needed with the rudder. Oh, and the seat is comfy, yeah ok that's it.

Driving and Fireworks and Goats, Oh My!

2005-08-01T20:27:00.000-03:00

I have returned from my short Nova Scotia vacation, and what a trip it was! Although I was only there for a few days I did so much in that short time.

Nathan and I left Friday after work and didn't arrive until almost midnight. I got dropped off at Rebecca's (where I stayed for the weekend) and had a short visit with her before heading to bed. We got up early and headed into the market for the morning, I also got to see some of the beautiful Acadia campus before Nathan came to pick me up. After a short visit at his place (his ferret is my new friend) we headed off to see some of the sights of his home town (including "the look off" and an amazing old church,) I'll be updating my gallery soon with pictures of everything. After that we headed into Halifax for *Fireworks Show #1* which was to celebrate the 50 anniversary of the bridge.

I suppose I should explain here, for anyone who doesn't know, that Nathan's mom is a pyrotechnician. Yes, her job is to set off fireworks and I am now convinced that this is the coolest job ever. Because she was working on this show, I was lucky enough to get up close to all that was going on. The bridge that connects Halifax and Dartmouth was completely shut down (getting to walk back and forth across that was pretty neat in itself) and the entire area between the two towers was full of fireworks.

This picture shows some of the bigger mortars set up on the bridge, with a cluster of smaller mortars behind them. Groups like this spanned the length of the bridge. We sat just off the Dartmouth end to watch the show and it was amazing!

The next morning Rebecca and I went to Hennigar's, a farm market close to where she lives. We bought some berries, looked at some pigs, bunnies, ducks and peacocks and fed the goats, oh how I love the goats! As you can see, the goats were very excited as Rebecca approached with some grass.

After visiting with the goats we picked up Rebecca's friend Liz and headed to Lumbsden Dam for a swim. It was such a pretty spot and the water was warm, I wish I had taken a picture of it but I left my camera in the car. We went back to Rebecca's place and had a delicious barbecue before Nathan came to get me for *Fireworks Show #2*

This show was a much smaller one in Windsor celebrating some fictional character called Sam Slick (if anyone has ever read the story, please fill me in.) Since it was a smaller show it was just Nathan's mom, sister and another guy working. I even got to help out a little bit in the set up of the mortars and the clean up afterwards. I got kind of dirty and smelled a bit like sulfur, but I had a blast! (No pun intended). We were very close when the actual shooting started (the public wasn't allowed that close, probably because firework stuff was falling on us...) and aside from a couple of tense moments where things did not go exactly as planned (they were shooting everything by hand), it was a great evening. I will be writing another post about all the stupid people we encountered that night, it really does deserve a post of it's own but for now I'll just say: What part of LIVE EXPLOSIVES do you not understand people?!

This shows the fireworks leaving the bridge. We could feel the ground shaking from where we were standing and the picture hardly does it justice.

On my final day there I slept in a bit and then left with Nathan in search of a Tim Horton's BowTie... yeah I know, I'm still not convinced they exist either and since we did not find one, I remain skeptical. We then proceeded to sneak into GrandPre Park. It had beautiful grounds and an old church, but after we were asked for our entrance stickers for the second time, we decided it was time to leave before we were thrown out. The rest of the day was spent driving, sleeping (me) and consuming much chocolate.

I had a great time, took plenty of picture and have lots of memories for the pictures I missed. I will leave you with some token pieces of wisdom I have gained over the past few days:

- Driving makes me sleepy, always
- The view you get from a plane is not always unique to being in a plane
- Not all graveyards are creepy
- No essential body parts over a loaded mortar (I have yet to figure out what body part is not essential, but still wise words)
- No matter how much you bug the peacock, he won't put his tail up just because you want him to
- I really like goats
- Wolfville is a small town, but not so small that drunk guys won't drive past and shout things at you
- The world is full of stupid people
- If you think you can sneak onto a historic site and not get caught, you're wrong. You can however talk your way out of it and not get kicked off
- I REALLY like fireworks

Finally, A HUGE thanks to Rebecca and her roommate Jean for letting me stay with them, to Nathan for taking me along with him and to Nathan's mom for letting me hang around while she was working :) it was indeed a tip to remember.

Taking a Short Vacation

2005-07-28T22:13:00.000-03:00

I've been home for over a month, so what does that mean? It's time to leave again of course! Only for a short while though. After work I'm heading to Nova Scotia for a long overdue visit with Rebecca. Along the way I hope to see the great metropolis of Grand Pre as well as Wolfville and learn lots about fireworks (without getting blown up in the process.)

Oh, and a super huge thanks to Chris for a wonderful tour this afternoon. I don't even know if you read this Chris, but you're "the man"... that means something good right? Anyway I did get some great pictures, I'll post a couple when I get home.

I'll be back soon! That is assuming Nathan's sense of direction is better than mine ;)

Harry Potter

2005-07-24T14:00:00.000-03:00

IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE LATEST HARRY POTTER BOOK AND DON'T WANT THE ENDING SPOILED, DON'T READ ANY MORE OF THIS POST

I finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on Tuesday, I decided not to post about it until now, the book has been out for a week now if you're not done reading yet... shame on you. Yes it was traumatic, Snape killed Dumbledore, Harry might not go back to Hogwarts and nothing seems right. I was just as surprised as everyone else, I never expected him to die (and the fact that I was right about Snape being the Half-Blood Prince is of little consolation.) After speaking with many friends about what has happened and what will happen, here are the conclusions I have come to.

Dumbledore knew he was going to die

Come on, the man knows everything, he knew this would happen. How many of the details he knew I have not yet decided, but I think he knew what was going to happen. That's why he froze Harry under the invisibility cloak, to stop Harry from trying to protect him as he would have certainly done. If Dumbledore only though the footsteps coming up the stairs were more death eaters and that there was then going to be a battle, why freeze Harry? Although Harry's power is no where near Dumbledore's, it would have made sense to have two of them fighting together. So Dumbledore knew he was going to die and...

Dumbledore was not wrong about Snape

I think it would seriously undermine Dumbledore's character to have him not only die but to die having made such a huge mistake. Dumbledore always trusted Snape and I don't think he was wrong, simply because I think he still knows more about this story than I do. I'm a little sketchy on the details but someone has suggested that maybe Snape was tricked in to making the unbreakable vow. Perhaps at the beginning of the book he did not know what "the plan" was but only said he did so that they would tell him. (I also believe Malfoy will end up being good, maybe he'll help Harry too.) In any case, I have the feeling that Snape will end up helping Harry in the end. And what an end it will be because...

The final horcrux is inside Harry

Maybe Voldemort did it on purpose, maybe it was an accident (I think it was an accident). But using the fact that he had just killed James and Lily, the final part of his soul now resides in Harry. This would explain many things such as why Harry now has some of Voldemort's power, why he can talk to snakes, and why their minds at times seem to be connected. This means that...

Harry will die at the end of the next and final book

I know, I know, I don't want it to happen anymore than you do, I want Harry to live happily ever after but Rowling has made it clear that not all endings are happy. Although the prophecy in the 5th book made it seem as though Harry OR Voldemort must die, I think you could also interpret it to read that they both will die. If the last horcrux is inside Harry, this makes sense. Now I don't think it will be anything crazy like Harry kills himself, but I imagine he will finish off Voldemort and then somehow allow himself to die, realizing that it is the only way for the world to truly be rid of Voldemort and his evil.

Oh, and it is Sirius' brother that has the real locket

So that's how I think it will happen and we will probably have a couple of year to speculate. What does everyone else think?

Summer Sunshine

2005-07-22T17:44:00.000-03:00

I left work early again today
I lay in the sun for 2 hours
I don't have any tan lines...

I'll leave that for you to figure out ;)

Memories

2005-07-17T00:09:00.000-03:00

for now it seems too much to hope
that I should see the day
when I have cried a thousand tears
and washed the pain away

The Half-Blood Prince

2005-07-16T16:49:00.000-03:00

At 12:17am this morning I was holding Harry Potter 6. After a couple hours of reading last night and pretty much all afternoon today, I am on page 223. So far it has been excellent! I wonder who the half-blood prince is? Could it be Snape? He is obviously very good at potions. I thought it might have been Lily but they did emphasize the whole, 'Prince' being a boy thing, so we'll see how that goes. Also, is it as obvious to everyone else that Hermione likes Ron?... Yeah, I thought so.

Oh, and if anyone ruins the ending for me, I will hurt you.

Back to reading...

Through Shadows to the Edge of NightUntil the Stars are All Alight

2005-07-08T22:42:00.000-03:00

Tonight I shall spend the first night in my ultra-squishy bed at the cottage. It certainly has come a long way since we bought it a couple of months ago. There is still a bit left to do, but it's all cleaning and decorating stuff. So far the cottage has been a great place, I've seen some amazing sunsets and even a meteor shower.

Also, as I was walking on the beach today I saw hundreds of starfish, all sizes and several different colors. I came up with a brilliant business plan! It goes like this:

- collect the starfish
- spray them with shellac
- sell them to tourists at ridiculous prices

I think it would work because everyone likes starfish and tourists will buy anything. Sadly my brilliant plan will never be realized because I don't want to kill all the little starfish. Oh well, I'll just have to think of something else.

Who Ever Said it Was a Wonderful World?

2005-07-07T00:02:00.000-03:00

I found this site by accident
it made me cry
I feel really alone right now

Post Secret

Rambling in Point Form (is that even possible?)

2005-07-05T23:33:00.000-03:00

Yes I know, I've been a bad blogger, shame on me. I have just been so busy the past week I haven't gotten the chance to post. It would take far to long to go over everything that's happened, and I doubt anyone really wants/needs to know the details anyway, so here is a quick overview:

- got kicked in the head while playing capture the flag
- skipped work some and spent lots of days at the beach
- last minute plans for Canada Day turned into a great evening, with plenty of friends, a big bonfire and lots of fireworks
- the cottage is done, now we just have the huge task of getting it ready to live in. My room is mostly decorated and is by far the best.
- I saw an amazing meteor shower... and then fell down a cliff
- Maria is still the best capture the flag leader (and now president), but I do an ok job if she is not around
- I won the first backgammon game I every played. I also won a game of chess and along with it a most excellent bet.
- we moved up in Churchill Arms trivia, 4th place woohoo! (As opposed to second last place, which is what we were last week)
- I now know where Keith lives. Let the stalking commence.

Yep, I guess that sums it up pretty well. Thanks to everyone who replied to the 'Five Things' post below. I loved reading all the lists. Maybe I should make posts like that a somewhat regular thing... however that would require me to be creative, in addition to posting more than once a week. I'll work on it.

Five Things...

2005-06-27T21:25:00.000-03:00

Several months ago Mel had a post on her blog that listed Five things I've done that you probably haven't. It was fun trying to come up with 5 things for my reply and very interesting to read some of the replies from other people. The purpose of it is not to brag, but to try and find five things you've done that most people never have. So here is my list, I'd love to see yours! Even if you read this blog but never reply, as my counter tells me a lot of people do ;) Leave your list!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Five Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

1. Ate pizza with grasshoppers and maggots on it
2. Swam with dolphins
3. Saw Lord of the Rings in the theatre 6 times (and that's only the first movie)
4. Was told to "step back Miss" by Dick Clark's body guard (it wasn't him I was trying to get close to anyway :P )
5. Floated down a rainforest river in an inner tube
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No More

2005-06-23T22:39:00.000-03:00

I watched an animal die yesterday. It wasn't violent, it wasn't dramatic, it just was... and then it wasn't.

We're no different than animals are. If we think our lives are somehow worth more than the life of the rat I watched lay down and not get back up, I think we're kidding ourselves.

It was nice out today, and I appreciated being able to see it.

Singing in the Rain!

2005-06-21T22:47:00.000-03:00

Ok fine, it's not raining (ironically enough, for the first time in quite a while) but when it does rain again, I will be ready! My mini-umbrella arrived today and it is even better than I remembered! Yes, I am ridiculously excited over an umbrella, if you talked to me on MSN tonight, you probably even got to see some pictures of it. Both in its folded up ultra tiny form, and unfolded, looking like a normal umbrella! I am convinced this gadget will make my life better in some way, so bring on the rain!

Before coming home to find my umbrella, my day was pretty dull. Imagine a five minute long TV show, that has no sound and stars a rat. Now watch it over and over again for 8 hours. That was my day.

But as I suspected, the umbrella worked its magic and my day improved. Ash and I took the mustang out for a ride. We went to Dairy Queen, played the music loud and picked up hot guys. You know, all the usual stuff.

Will the pointy fun never end?

2005-06-17T21:49:00.000-03:00

In the past two days I have seen two people stick themselves with needles and bleed all over the lab. This worries me slightly, as both of these people are far more competent at giving injections than myself... I fear it is only a matter of time until I do something wrong. Domoic Acid in your hand, yeah that sounds like fun.

On the bright side, I was relieved to hear my proff/boss say "we've done enough work for today, let's go have a drink." Yay for proffs who take you to Dooley's and buy you whatever you want!

I need an umbrella

2005-06-16T21:52:00.000-03:00

It has been an interesting past few days, I have cried a lot but I have also done a lot of smiling and laughing. I've had good reason to do both. I just hope the smiling will continue and the crying will lessen, I think it will.

I heard this today, I know reading song lyrics on a blog is annoying because you can't hear the song and it never seems quite as it should, but read it as it is. I like it a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope is an anchor and love is a ship
Time is the ocean and life is a trip
You don't know where you're going, until you know where you're at
And if you can't read the stars, you'd better have a map
A compass and a conscience, so you don't get lost at sea
Or on some lonely island, where no one wants to be

From the beginning of creation, I think our maker had a plan
For us to leave these shores and sail beyond the sand
And let the good light guide us through the waves and the wind
To the beaches in a world where we have never been
We'll climb up on the mountains, we'll let our voices ring
And those who've never tried it, they'll be the first to sing

You don't bring nothing with you here and you can't take nothing back
I've never seen a hearse with a luggage rack
So I've torn my knees up praying, scarred my back from falling down
I've spent so much time flying high, now I'm face first in the ground
So if you're up there watching me, would you talk to God and say
Tell him I might need a hand to see you both some day

I'll see you on the other side, if I make it
It might be a long hard ride, but I'll take it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's to you George Straight.

Capture the Flag

2005-06-13T18:45:00.000-03:00

Last night was Capture the Flag #3 and in my opinion it was the best yet (although I have only gone to 2 of the 3 so far this year.) A big pat on the back to Maria for organizing it all! If I counted correctly there were 21 people there last night and I know I had a blast, everyone else seemed to as well. For anyone who would like to know, we play Sundays at 7:30 in Victoria Park, meet by the tennis courts.

The big news of today - Liz has been formally accepted to vet school! Woohoo! In 4 years you can take your sick animals to her, but you can still call her Dr. Liz until then.

21 Candles

2005-06-12T11:55:00.000-03:00

Another birthday has come and gone, 21 doesn't feel much different than 20. I had a nice birthday all things considered, thanks to all those who made it a good one.

I guess I've been getting pretty slack on blog entries lately, but there's really not much new going on. The lab is full of baby rats and *I* think they are incredibly cute. The cottage is coming along slowly but surely, I'm hoping that by the end of June it will be finished. I'm getting a kayak for my birthday, which I am very excited about! I've been kayaking every summer for the past 4-5 years so I know how, but we always just borrowed our neighbor's kayaks and gear, so if anyone knows anything about buying a kayak, different types and stuff like that, I'd love to hear what you know.

Other than that, life still seems pretty messed up in general at the moment. A friend sent me this, Desiderata, it's worth reading if you have a moment.

Note: I have just made an interesting discovery while spell-checking this entry, the Blog spell-check thing doesn't recognize the word "blog"... this seems ironic to me.

Home Again

2005-06-08T17:53:00.000-03:00

I'm home from Edmonton, everything kinda went downhill since my last post. I did get to do some shopping and got a pouffy white skirt... yeah, I don't know how well it will work out, but here's hoping.

The thought has crossed my mind, that if you never depended on or trusted anyone, then you wouldn't get hurt when they disappoint you. It doesn't seem like a good way to live, but then again, getting hurt all the time isn't very good either.

Cowboys in Edmonton

2005-06-05T13:41:00.000-03:00

Day 3 of my trip to Edmonton and I finally broke down and paid to connect to the internet. The connection in my room doesn't want to work for some reason and "borrowing" my neighbor CoolGuy84's connection was unreliable at best.

It has been a pretty good trip so far, Edmonton seems like a nice city. At first glance I thought it was dirty but actually it is immaculately clean, I haven't seen any garbage anywhere. But depending on the area you are in there can be a lot of abandoned buildings, boarded up and such, which gives that impression.

The flight was uneventful but long. After we arrived we headed over to the Northlands Agricom Centre where the Skills competition is being held. The opening ceremony was quite a show considering what it was for. Adam Gregory (a somewhat famous country singer) was there, and it was neat to see a mini-concert by him.

Yesterday was our first full day here and after sleeping in (the time change is no fun) we headed over to the Northlands Centre again. We saw Ash and all the other people doing everything from baking to fixing cars, but since you couldn't talk to anyone there was only so much watching to be done. We noticed some horses and riders dressed in show clothes walking around next to the building where the Skills competition was and decided to take a closer look. It turns out there was a huge horse show going on with riders from all across Canada competing, so it was a treat to get to watch that for a while.

BUT the greatest thing was that IAN MILLER was there! (For anyone who doesn't know, Ian Miller is probably the most well known rider in Canada, he rode Big Ben.) So I got to talk to him and get his autograph and a couple of pictures. It was luck that we found that show, but it has definitely been the highlight of my trip so far.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2005-06-02T20:45:00.000-03:00

Apparently I'm supposed to be on a plane in a little over 9 hours from now. Why do they make flights that leave at 6am? Why?! I'm off to Edmonton for a few days, it should be fun. Maybe I should finish packing at some point... yeah, that might be a good idea.

Needle update:
Injecting a live animal was 100X harder than I thought it would be. My hands shook a lot (good thing the baby rat couldn't see the needle coming), it took me forever to finally get up the nerve to do it, and I got quite emotional when he started to squeak and wiggle. I know I wasn't really hurting him, but I still felt bad. Today was much easier, I did it in under a minute with minimal shakiness.

I also got an early birthday surprise today, a card in the mail from the crew at Staples. It made me smile, technically I don't even work there anymore, but it's always nice to be remembered.

Sharp and Pointy Fun

2005-05-31T21:22:00.000-03:00

They let me play with needles today at work. It was fun, frightening and surprisingly difficult. The nurses make it look very easy, however this is probably a good thing because trust me, if nurses acted like I did today (banging the syringe on the table and cursing the bubbles that would not budge) even the adults would cry and run away. It still feels oddly cinematic to hold the vial with the needle upside down, fill it, and then flick it and squirt a bit out in the air, but apparently that really is how it's done. Today was only practice, tomorrow I'm supposed to do it with live animals...YIKES.

I washed my car today, I hate washing my car.

I took a break from washing to take pictures of Bindy.

In a Haze

2005-05-28T21:45:00.000-03:00

Did you know that rats don't like it when you shine lights in their eyes? Well they don't. My hands are once again covered with scratches, but it's not as bad as last time, perhaps I'm becoming more skillful as a handler. We're doing more sensory-motor testing tomorrow and they always seem to scratch more on the second day, so we'll see about that.

I've been working all weekend to make up for the time I'll be missing while I'm in Edmonton. Leaving in 5 days, woohoo! Not that Edmonton is at the top of my "places to visit" list, but I'm happy to travel anywhere and a few days off in a semi-unknown city is always a fun time. Other than go shopping and the Skills competition, I'm not too sure what I'll be doing... anyone know of fun things to do in Edmonton?

I went outside to take some pictures when the fog started rolling in, I got a few nice ones including this one of the flowers in front of my house and my hazy street.

My Friend Vince

2005-05-26T19:50:00.000-03:00

There is a gas station/convenience store near my house that I sometimes stop at to pick up chips or candy when I'm hungry for that type of thing, or to get some milk if my mom asks me too. The guy who works there is probably in his thirties and a rather large man. His name-tag informs me that he is "Vince".

This past winter I would go in pretty often and would usually see him in there. He was always happy and always nice. He called me "sweetie" sometimes. Normally it really upsets me when older men (or pretty much any man) refer to me in such a way, but the gas-station man comes across as being such a genuinely nice guy that it's not really a big deal. I hadn't seen him there since January but last night when I stopped in, there he was. He remembered me.

He was as happy and friendly as always, he commented that I hadn't been around for a while and asked how my day had been.

This guy has a crappy job. A lot of people are probably jerks to him all day long. But he always smiles and is always nice to me. And he remembered who I was 5 months later...

A little bit of kindness can go along way. Especially in a world where people you think you can trust, often prove you wrong. Kindness from anyone is special, kindness from a stranger is very special indeed.

Thanks Vince, you made my day.

Accomplishment

2005-05-21T20:50:00.000-03:00

It has been a while I know, I know. I actually wrote most of this post a couple of days ago but am just finishing it now. I took a sort of mini-vacation this weekend, if you can call it that. Maria was taking care of the horses for the weekend, so I went over to give her a hand. I left on Friday and came home on Saturday, so it was short but I really enjoyed myself.

I can remember being 14 years old and being left in charge (along with Maria and Liz) of 25+ horses. Looking back, I think John was kind of crazy to take off for days at a time and leave us in charge. But hey, it worked. We practically lived there anyway.

I can remember feeling a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. It was solid, it was real. You could look around and see what you had done. The horses were fed, the stalls were clean, sure you were dead tired and yes, you would have to do it all again tomorrow. But you finished what you had to do that day, you did it well, and you were done.

It is this sense of accomplishment that seems to be missing in a lot of jobs today. I loved my old job at Staples, but there isn't much sense of accomplishment in being a cashier. Just an endless line of people. And sure, you obviously get stuff done, the line of people moves along and eventually ends when the store closes. But at the end of the day, what do you have to show for all your hard work? Not much. Money? Nah, that's good for a while but if that's all you get out of your job, it will start to wear you down sooner or later.

Maybe that's why so many people seem frustrated or unhappy with their jobs.

A Message to Whoever Broke Into My Garage Last Night

2005-05-17T18:41:00.000-03:00

Dear Mr/Ms Thief,

I was surprised and slightly freaked out as I walked into my garage this morning and realized you had stopped by. While I appreciate you not doing any lasting damage to my car, not taking my horse stuff and leaving my CDs where they were, I had planned to use that $1.50 to buy a chocolate bar at work today.

Although I am sure your foolproof plan and superior intelligence enabled you to walk into an unlocked garage and raid 2 unlocked cars, I don't appreciate you pillaging my home. I hope your great reward of $1.50 was worth the trouble to both of us.

On the bright side, you recent antics have finally made my parents realize that the world is not always a safe place and people can't be trusted. While I have been telling them this for many years, your actions seem to have driven the point home. Should you decide to come back for more of my left over change, or even with a bigger goal in mind, you will find new locks on all the doors (which will not be left open anymore) and there will be no spare key hidden anywhere, don't bother looking. Also, a security system is being installed, so have fun with that.

Sincerely,
The girl with a big sword, but no chocolate

It's 5 o'clock Somewhere

2005-05-16T22:24:00.000-03:00

If the world were a perfect place, everyone would have this conversation with their boss:

Employee: I know I'm supposed to be working 37.5 hours per week, but since I've started I've only been doing 25-30, I just keep running out of things to do.
Boss: Meh, that's not your fault, just go home when you're done
Employee: ....
Boss: Wait, going home at 2 everyday might not look great to other people. Bring some of your own stuff and you can work on that sometimes.
Employee: Um, ok, well if that's alright, sure. Oh, um, I was also wondering, see, I had planned to go to Edmonton for a few days in June and
Boss: Sure! Just let me know the dates, maybe come in some weekend to make up for it.

This is the greatest summer job ever

In other news I got my own desk in the lab today, as well a chair, a lamp, and a drawer in a filing cabinet. I'm excited! Clearly it doesn't take much to achieve this. However, the lamp does smell like melting plastic when I turn it on and I'd hate to burn down the entire psych building, so my lamp use may be limited in the future.

Impact

2005-05-14T22:35:00.000-03:00

If you ride horses long enough, sooner or later you will fall off. If you ride them as long as I have, you will fall off a lot. Most of my falls happened in the process of jumping, I guess the number of times you leave the ground on purpose is directly proportional to the number of times you land there by accident. The rest of my falls have happened for various reasons. I stopped counting how many times I had fallen off after 12 or so, I would now estimate that number to be around 20-25 (I've been riding for 10 years, shut up.) It has been a couple of years since I've fallen off, partly because I took a break from riding after selling my horse and partly because for the last year or so before I sold Rae, I didn't jump or try anything of great difficulty.

*Look! I have learned to insert pictures... ok well maybe Ash wrote the code for me, but whatever*

(This is me and Rae, doing something that sometimes resulted in me falling off)

Anyway, back on track. Yes falling off is a little scary and usually hurts, but it's not really that bad. Of course it's not something I enjoy and so I was quite happy to not do it for quite some time. The streak was good... until today.

Now one would think that when it comes to falling off a horse, the less damage done the better. In reality, this is not the case. In reality you want to be at either end of the "falling off" meter. On one end you have the "no injury fall." Ideally you just slide off, maybe you even land on your feet! This type of fall can even be kinda cool. You don't get hurt much, if at all, and everyone, including you, has a good laugh.

At the opposite end you have your horrific train wreck of a fall where everyone, including you, is amazed that you are still alive. As long as you ARE still alive (remember, dead = bad) this is a good way to fall because you end up with a really good story and some obvious physical injury to back it up. As a bonus, your obvious injury will serve to gain sympathy from those around you.

My fall of today was neither of these extremes. This horse;

who I have been riding for about a month, scared herself when she suddenly noticed my coach standing by the rail. She jumped sideways and I fell off. If that sounds dramatic, trust me, it wasn't.

I hit my head hard enough to give myself a headache, but not a concussion. I also landed on my arm and rather than bending to cushion the fall, my elbow locked and made a nasty crunching sound, but do I even have a bruise? No. Now I can't drive or wash my hair properly... stupid elbow. So why is a "medium" kind of fall the worst kind? Because you don't get a cool story or sympathy from other people, but it hurts just enough to make you sore and grumpy.

Sore and grumpy, that's me. Anyone know how to fix a messed up elbow?

I Apologize to Anyone Who Does Not Like Poetry...

2005-05-13T00:22:00.000-03:00

... but this is worth reading. It makes me feel better just reading it, in any case.

Though here at journey's end I lie
In darkness buried deep
Beyond all towers strong and high
Beyond all mountains steep

Beyond all shadows rides the sun
And stars forever dwell
I will not say the day is done
Nor bid the stars farewell

- J. R. R. Tolkien

I am Alive

2005-05-11T21:11:00.000-03:00

So yeah, I haven't updated in a while, I have been crazy busy with work and everything.

I'm starting to feel slightly less stupid at work. In addition to running data through computer programs and taking care of the rats, I'm getting some hands-on experience with some of the different tests. It is repetitive, but fun, I actually feel like a researcher. I'm less intimidated by all the lab people and the masters guy that I've been helping out is really nice, we get along well. I like playing with rats :)

I went to see Seussical on Saturday, it was really good, much better than Carousel, but of course, not as spectacular as The Music Man. (I may be a little biased on that one.)

We now formally own a cottage! woohoo! It is under major renovation at the moment, I plan to take lots of pictures showing the changes and post them on my gallery, but I just haven't had the time yet.

Ok I guess that's a quick summary. Time for bed, I figure I need to start sleeping earlier so I can drag myself out of bed before 8 every morning

Yeah...

2005-05-06T14:54:00.000-03:00

A si i-Dhuath u-orthor

"The shadow does not hold sway yet"

But sometimes it sure feels close...

Faking It

2005-05-05T18:31:00.000-03:00

I like my new job a lot, I really do, but sometimes I have this sinking feeling that sooner or later someone is going to realize that I have no clue what I'm doing. It's not just work though, I'm starting to notice a pattern, I think this applies to life in general.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Like eventually someone has to notice that you actually don't have it all figured out and you're just kind of making it up as you go along... Because it sure seems like everyone else knows what they're doing.

I hope that's not true, I'd like to think that most people are winging it just as much as me, but they're just better at hiding it. So hey, for anyone out there who doesn't always feel like they have it all together, you're not alone!

In other news, I got to leave work early because I finished all the stuff they gave me to do. I thought about going to the beach but had no one to go with and wasn't motivated enough to go alone. So I just fell asleep on the couch watching Dr. Phil, heh. I did take Ash out and we got some very cool mother's day presents. Oh yes, I am a good daughter.

Laboratory Assistant - That's Me!

2005-05-02T21:41:00.000-03:00

As I had hoped, today was better.

I found out first thing this morning that I did in fact get the job :) woohoo! After learning some more about what exactly I will be doing, I'm looking forward to it even more than I was before. I'm going to be in charge of the animal colony room (taking care of lots of rats) as well as helping out with various projects around the lab. I'm also going to learn how to use a couple of new computer programs (one for tracking movement and one for monitoring behavior.)

I start tomorrow morning, heh. It seems like a perfect summer job since I pretty much get to do my own thing and get to pick my own hours, within reason. It will probably get pretty crazy for a while when Becky gets home and we continue our own research project, on top of working full time, but still, I'm looking forward to it :)

I also want to start taking a riding lesson once a week, but have yet to get that straightened out. I'll do that tomorrow. I figure then I'll have something to work on while riding, and maybe get better, as I am really out of practice at the moment.

Alright, time to watch SuperNanny!

Rainy Days Always Get Me Down

2005-05-01T18:40:00.000-03:00

Actually that's not true, I like the rain and have nothing against dark, rainy days. Today has just been an overall crap kind of day.

I had planned to go out and ride, but when I got to the barn there was a clinic going on, so I couldn't use the arena and it was raining, so I couldn't ride outside. I also couldn't go back later in the day because we had company over for diner and I couldn't miss that. So yet another day goes by and I never got to ride.

I have a job interview tomorrow, I have no idea what's going on with the job. First they said you have it, then they said no you don't, then they said you have to apply for it, then I heard nothing for a week. The job is supposed to start tomorrow, but I have an interview for it tomorrow. I have no idea what's going on anymore.

I really wish people would think before they act. Yes, being independent is important and so is being able to do what you want, but your actions affect other people, whether you want them to or not. And no, that's not directed at any one person... I have been disappointed by a number of people today.

I hope tomorrow is better

At Long last

2005-04-29T23:02:00.000-03:00

Harm and Mac are getting married!

I began watching JAG when I was 13, it instantly became my favorite show and somewhat of an obsession. Tuesdays night was almost as great as the weekend and I would tape every show so I could re-watch my favorite parts. Some people got drunk on weekends... I watched JAG.

There was an ongoing relationship-type-tension between the two main characters, Harm and Mac (yes, Mac is a girl.) It was clear to everyone that they should get together, since they were perfect for each other, but they never did. I always thought they should get together and believed that if there was any good in the world, someday they would.

I did this throughout Jr.High and most of high school. At some point, I stopped taping the shows, then I stopped watching every week, life had just become too busy. Until tonight, the last time I watched the show was last summer and I had no idea what was going on then, since I had not watched it for so long. But I heard the show was ending and had to see if it would finally happen. It did.

It was just a TV show. The obsession of a silly teenage girl. But there is something satisfying about changing, and having what you once knew changed, but going back there after many years and having what you wanted come true. It doesn't really matter anymore, but in a way... I think it does.

Ahem... An Introduction

2005-04-27T22:21:00.000-03:00

I guess the last post could be considered the introduction, but if so, it was kind of a crappy one. Then again, I doubt this will be much better, but here goes.

Hi, this is my blog. I don't have any particular reason for making it. Seriously, I was sitting here on Saturday night after a fun evening of wreaking havoc with the ladies and I just decided to make a blog. I wish I had a really cool reason, such as one of the following;

- I have 10 billion friends and I can't possibly keep them all up to date on my incredibly eventful and fascinating life (um... nope).
- I am a dark/angry/emo teenager who wants the world to know the tortured existance that is me (no... and those kids bother me).
- I have strong political beliefs that I would like to make known and then argue passionately about (maybe once in a while, but I'm not all that controversial. )
- I feel my opinions, ideas and philosophy of life, once properly expressed on this blog will save the world (hahaha, no. But I'm working on that whole saving the world thing, details to follow)

What exactly am I going to write about? ... that's a very good question and the answer is - I don't know. Whatever I want I guess, I plan to just see how this goes and where it takes me. I don't even know if I'll update that much or maybe I'll become addicted and update all the time. (I get cranky when people don't update their blogs very often, so I give you permission to get cranky at me.) If anyone wants to comment, feel free. Though again, I don't usually comment on blogs, I'll usually just tell the person what I wanted to tell them. However, after having just one post and 2 comments, I must say, it feels kind of nice, so I plan to try and comment on blogs more.

Lastly, I can't promise that by reading my blog you'll discover any deep, dark secrets about me, this thing is public! Come on, I'm not THAT crazy. So what will you find out about me by reading this blog that you might not have known already?

- I suck at spelling (you'll see, even spellcheck doesn't stand a chance)
- I think about everything WAY too much
- I will save the world someday, but I told you, we're not talking about that right now
- I am somewhat of a control freak (you already knew that, but the above point just reminded me)

Ok, that's it, I'm done. I want to stop typing now but have just realized I don't know how to end this. Do I say bye? Do I end with something deep and inspiring? Or do I just stop typing? *Please hold while I consult other blogs and determine the proper post ending etiquette* Ok, aparently I just stop typing, so um...

So I have a Blog...

2005-04-23T23:55:00.000-03:00

testing....

*UPDATE*

to the few people that actually have this address... I'm working on it, heh. Still messing with the layout. I'll say something useful eventually